I met my younger self

for coffee today...

We were both 10 minutes late.

Some things never change even though I now have a S.M.A.R.T goal all written out in my Clarity Planner to try to help me overcome this!

She was exhausted from staying up past midnight and getting up at 5:05. I was rested from going to bed at 9:45ish and sleeping until 6:18.

She was wearing an infinity scarf paired with a 3/4 length sleeve sweater; I was in my oversized Oui sweatshirt.

She had Jackson with her, the adorable dark-haired boy she’s the nanny for. She loves him like he’s her own, but she still longs for her own child. I was alone because Danielle is 9 years old and in 3rd grade already! I told her that the little family she dreams of will come to pass even though it won’t look exactly like the one she’s dreaming of - a boy first and then a girl or two. I assured her that this one precocious, chicken-loving child will fill her heart to overflowing and will be enough.

We both ordered black coffee and searched the menu for cake, heartily agreeing that eating cake for breakfast is the best thing ever! She lamented weighing 147 and I chortled! I’d take that over my 162 any day! Of course, I babbled on about the 75 Soft program I’m currently enthused about and she divulged how she had started a blog on blogspot.com called “a thought from a carrot top!” I encouraged her to keep writing; that writing would help her rise out of the dark, navy blue place she feels stuck in right now. That the anger, resentment, and frustration she’s currently experiencing will ease and that the sun will shine again. She was excited to hear that the blog is still going strong, now on a platform called Substack, and was intrigued with how writing every day in the “sandwich journal” style has improved my mental health. She’s worried that she’s not being a good wife or doing enough for all the people around her. I told her she has to learn to take care of herself first, that she can’t fix everyone’s problems, and that married life keeps getting better and better! I elaborated how we had the best time celebrating 20 years just last month at Brother Fox in Pensacola; superb food along with satisfying conversation.

I gabbed about my goals for lowering my screen-time, and she looked sort of blank. She doesn’t even have a smart phone yet! I told her to be grateful that life is still that simple and to treasure the quiet days of only being distracted by a good book! She reminded me that it wasn’t all roses back in the good ole days either, and that I should focus on the present, and not long for the past!

She said she had to get back to get Jackson a nap before McKenna got home from school and that she needed to sew that afternoon. I said I hardly ever sew anymore but complimented her creativity with sewing and how cute the ruffled details were on the tiny floral printed cotton dress she was wearing. She loved my kelly green tiered skirt dress ordered from SHEIN and said how wonderful it must be to not HAVE to sew all the time. I needed to get back too to get my Walmart grocery order in off my front porch which shocked her! Groceries delivered to the door in our rural area?!

After quickly dashing together into our favorite thrift store WeCare, where she found a chevron print pillow and I a brass taper candlestick, we hugged long and hard. I told her I was proud of her for always choosing to celebrate life’s happy little moments, and that God and her friends and family would always be there for her. She squeezed back tears and thanked me for the promise of a brighter future and another coffee date soon on the calendar.

She buckled Jackson into her white 2007 Grand Prix and I jumped into my white 2024 Ford Bronco. I watched her drive away with mixed feelings. So much of life lay yet ahead for her; and so much felt already behind me.

But it was a beautiful day in this little life of mine, for me and for my younger self.